The “16,000 Plans” Pitch That Might Make You Chop Up That IKEA Table
Here’s the thing: everyone’s tired of overpriced furniture and half-baked DIY projects that look like a raccoon’s nest. Enter Ted’sWoodworking, a program claiming to have 16,000 plans to turn your garage into a craftsman haven. At $67, it’s cheaper than a single mid-tier bookcase from Crate & Barrel—and promises to make you the Leonardo da Vinci of lumberjacks. But with a name like “Ted’s Woodworking,” I half-expected to see a grizzled man in flannel growling about carbide bits. Let’s cut to the chase.
The ‘16,000 Plans’ Pitch: Quantity Over Quality, But Wait… It Might Work
Sure, 16,000 sounds like a number pulled from a 90s infomercial, but stay with me. Ted (presumably named Ted, according to the painfully earnest sales letter) isn’t just throwing spreadsheets at a wall. The included projects span outdoor sheds, kid’s toys, gun cabinets, and whiskey barrel planters—enough to keep your inner nerd busy until Armageddon.
The sales pitch leans hard on solving real problems DIYers face:
- Plans that assume you’re a latter-day Paul Revere in a workshop (”Oops, forget to mention you need a $2,000 CNC machine!”)
- Instructions written like ancient runes (Drawing: a squiggle labeled “probably glue this? 😬”)
- Shameless upcharges for basic materials lists (”Buy 15-part PDF for $19.99! Only 9,984 more projects to go!”)
The documentation here claims every plan includes step-by-step directions, parts lists, and schematics avoiding the “ummm… what angles?” void. From the screenshots, the visuals seem actual blueprints, not glorified clipart. Ted’s own rags-to-shavings origin story about getting duped by bad plans is absurdly relatable—like if a TED Talk was sponsored by Home Depot.
What’s in the Treasure Trove?
No joke, here’s the list (and it’s longer than my Netflix queue):
- Adirondack chairs that won’t collapse when Aunt Karen sits down.
- Sheds you can build without a construction permit or third-degree burn from a heat gun.
- Gun cabinets for the tactical decorator (“sleek maple with an AR-15 holster!”).
- Wish wells for when you need to store magic, secrets, or spare lumber.
The kicker? Lifetime free monthly updates and a “custom plan” request system. Missed the boat on evergreen shadows pergola plans? Just ask Ted’s team. They promise to draft it. (Cynical footnote: Does “Team Ted” work in a cave like Santa’s elves? Are they unionized? A+++ for ambition either way.)
The Fine Print is Surprisingly Friction-Free…
Here’s the shocker: $67 is dirt cheap. Ted originally (and hilariously) tried preceding that price with “$297 $197” like he’s playing a Bargain Bin raffle at a state fair. The 60-day “LOVE IT OR SHOVE IT” guarantee? A hardcoded B.S. evasion tactic. Return a digital download you’ve already opened in 2020? Nope. Return this? The terms claim they’ll honor it because Hubba Bubba apparently exists, but at least Ted’s sales page is empathetic.
Your BS Detector Might Be Tingling…
Let’s address the elephant in the spray-painted herb garden:
- No, you won’t build all 16,001 projects (the +1 is laughably corporate).
- The 150 video tutorials included? Probably filmed on a 2012 GoPro and narrated in a voice like a 1990s PBS host.
- The “Ultimate Get Rich Woodworking Business in 90 Days” bonus? It’s called a bonus plan, not divine intervention.
But here’s the cheat code: the basics are bulletproof. Detailed measurements, shopping lists, color diagrams—these reduce project anxiety by 70%. For people who’ve already killed relationships with “I’ll just wing this!” projects gone rogue, that alone is worth the price of entry. Plus, if just 10% of the plans work as advertised, $67 nets you 1,600 projects—a prison sentence’s worth of woodworking ideas.
The Bottom Line: Is It Worth Your Money?
Pros:
- You are getting a shelf’s worth of project ideas and the roadmap to at least 100 amazing pieces.
- Perfect for beginners terrified of inherited tools and $800 routers.
- Lifetime access and free plan updates mean this grows with time, like some kind of freaky bonsai plan economy.
Cons:
- If you’re allergic to assembly manuals thicker than a tax guide, you’ll revolt.
- The marketing tone occasionally teeters into “Ted Brock’s Renaissance Faire Power Hour” territory.
- No physical tools or wood included, FYI. (Somewhere, Elon Musk is laughing about Tesla’s 2028 hardwood robots.)
Take the wheel – I’m buckled in!
Final Verdict
Ted’sWoodworking is the Netflix of carpentry projects—expiry-less, with full offline downloads. It won’t drill the skills into your fingers or magically cure sanding-induced PTSD, but it removes friction and actually explains the math that too many woodworking guides ignore.
Is it the revolutionized, AI-powered future of DIY? No. It’s a vault of plans mailed to your inbox. But hey, if you want to evolve from mythical “decent-at-Ikea-synopsis” guy to actual furniture wizard for under $100, this might be your starter grimoire.
Just don’t staple your resume to the warehouse receipt. Some mysteries should stay unsolved.
Full disclosure: As an affiliate, I earn from qualifying purchases. That said, I only recommend products I genuinely believe could provide value based on my research.